“I have to admit I’m of two minds on the whole issue of adult kids moving home,” Gail Vaz-Oxlade begins her article on boomerang kids.
The negative view:

On the other hand, I think it’s downright dumb the way some parents let their kids move home, do little or nothing to pull their own weight, pay no rent, and still live high off the hog. There are adults living in their parents’ home who think it’s perfectly fine to eat out four nights out of seven, who don’t lift a finger to do anything to help out around the house, and who won’t cough up a penny to help with the costs of living. There are adults living in their parents’ home who get pregnant when they don’t have the money to put a roof over their own heads. There are adults living in their parents’ home who have no plan for how to get the hell out.

On the more constructive side, Gail advises exactly what I call The Deal:

Make sure you have an end game in mind. How long will they live with you? What’s their move-out date? Failing that, when will you sit down again to assess how they’re doing and set the move-out date? Establish a time line up front so your adult children don’t get the idea this is a permanent arrangement. Your kids shouldn’t have to worry about being kicked out on a whim. Nor should they get so comfortable that life at “home” becomes the status quo.

Talk about the money. If your kids are trying to save the downpayment on a home, have them pay you “rent” that not only covers the increased costs of having them under your roof, but sets aside the amount for the downpayment every month. Ditto kids who are paying off debt; make sure the money is going where it’s supposed to go. Unless your child has absolutely no income, they must accept responsibility for some of the household expenses. And for those who have very limited incomes or who are busting their butts to get debt paid off, exchange what you have to offer for their skills as garbage collectors, cooks, cleaners, laundresses, snow-shovellers, drivers, and whatever else they can do to make your life easier.

One way or another, your adult children need to pay their way to keep their self-respect and not turn back into your “babies.”

Couldn’t agree more, Gail. But I keep remembering the line from Robert Frost that Nick and I used for the title of Chapter V of Trust Me: “Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.”