It’s true, a lot of people have a lot less money today — but that makes it all the more crucial to handle what you’ve got, intelligently. Staying out of debt is more important than ever (please show me how)!
And I LOVED the phrase “Attention Money Disorder!”
–Judy Epstein
Humor columnist, A Look On The Light Side
He leido ya los capitulos dos veces y no por ser dificiles sino porque cautivan la curiosidad e invitan a pensar mas alla de lo que pareces proponer. Esto es lo que me parece mas extraordinario, que tu y Nick tocan situaciones fundamentales que van mucho mas alla de lo americano, de la edad, de lo economico. En un mundo crecientemente globalizado tu libro es una joya. Tu libro Family rules me ha acompañado por muchos años con valiosos resultados para mi vida personal, familiar y profesional. Este nuevo libro añade nuevas dimensiones y seguramente me acompañara en mi viaje por el resto de mi vida. Me parece que tu libro llena unas necesidades grandes de informacion y de maneras diferentes de pensar y sentir que revasan los lectores de ingles. Seguro que pensaras en una traduccion a otros idiomas.
–Dr. Marco Antonio Martinez (University of San Juan, Rio Piedras)
I am working with the parents of an adult son who has constant money problems. They have been reading and rereading Hallowell’s books and others. The parents’ different approaches have resulted in lots of blaming of each other. They are working better with strategies now–how long each can sustain any strategy is the test.
–(a family therapist)
From my perspective (dyslexia) I feel you hit the nail on the head quite a few times. Self-criticism in this case is a huge player! It is like being an alcoholic that has recovered and has no reason for shame but still feels it when they walk into a room with other people. This leads to over compensation in other areas. These over compensation areas are things you do well and things a parent must focus on rewarding with positive encouragement. The self perception of the feeling of inadequacy is always there even though others may not have a clue on your abilities. There is this feeling that they may make the discovery that you are different and they may misinterpret the difference as stupidity. You are correct that this self-criticism was reinforced through childhood and into adulthood. Parents can not be a player in this reinforcement. I think the parent is the axis for being successful rather than giving up. My parents and my wife did a great job in this area. I am not sure how but they have always managed to keep me up.
I finally found a moment or two to read through your chapters. They are wonderful! I love the format and all the different kinds of issues and particularly liked Nick’s voice. In some ways, some of the issues more closely related to my daughters coming of age in terms of money than my son… Fortunately, we had a great accountant who gave them a good outline, and they both felt much better. After a lifetime of bumping along, I realize that planning financially saves a lot of worry. Anyway, the chapters are great…far more comprehensive than just ADD or ADHD.
Another area where you hit the nail on the head was the “To do list “ in my opinion! If I did not have my Microsoft Outlook calendar I would be lost! It permits me to keep focus but what I like is it lets you schedule things that are non-critical ahead in the future so you do not need to look at them every day as with a running to do list that you keep adjusting. If you put something out there ahead by 2 weeks you won’t forget about it and you won’t have to deal with it either until it comes back up on your to do list for that given day. This reduces the negative feelings of an over whelming list that has 10 things on it that you suck at doing. I try to keep one uncomfortable thing on my list every day or so because they need to get done even though they may be in my weak area, but I flood my day with things I am good at! Without the list, I wander with no direction and react to things like a pin ball much like getting drawn into these communications with you. My list was short today but I must get back on track! Great chapter and I wish you all the luck in the world when it comes to your son! You are key Mr. Kaye. Someone has to understand!
our daughter runs her own business, is excited by work, committed to working hard and has managed her own money disorder by having hired a book keeper to whom she passes on all billing and bill payment… for her it is often like her experience in school as a child with undiagnosed learning issues, she has to manage both the reality of the money and the feeling of thinking there’s something wrong… even though she knows there isn’t…
I am very lucky in that my parents were extremely open and vocal about financial information as I grew up and my dad’s biggest emphasis was that you can’t spend money you don’t have and must always live within your means – no matter what temptations are out there. These lessons have served me very well and I am so thankful that my parents took the time to talk and work with me on these issues. I have also watched as so many of my friends (who are smart and accomplished people) came into debt problems. Thank you for sharing this info. It is valuable for families at all economic levels.
Very interesting information. I know that some of our employees are indeed swamped with debt. I’ve sent a few to a debt counseling service, but that is the only tool at my disposal. I hope your material gets read and used widely. It would be a great resource for the schools in their “consumer education” study.
I especially liked your son’s description of how he thinks. Your comments can also be very helpful to parents. Anecdotely, I am convinced that there is a higher % of ADD folks in Family Businesses than there are in the General Population.
–Tom Davidow
your chapter- Inoculating against Economic Debt. It is excellent! I wish I had it a number of years ago when I discovered I had a lot of work to do to help my God Daughter develop a better attitude about money. She was willing to have my help + gave me a list of her monthly income + expenditures. However she left off how much + what she paid for in cash each month.
It’s true, a lot of people have a lot less money today — but that makes it all the more crucial to handle what you’ve got, intelligently. Staying out of debt is more important than ever (please show me how)!
And I LOVED the phrase “Attention Money Disorder!”
–Judy Epstein
Humor columnist, A Look On The Light Side
He leido ya los capitulos dos veces y no por ser dificiles sino porque cautivan la curiosidad e invitan a pensar mas alla de lo que pareces proponer. Esto es lo que me parece mas extraordinario, que tu y Nick tocan situaciones fundamentales que van mucho mas alla de lo americano, de la edad, de lo economico. En un mundo crecientemente globalizado tu libro es una joya. Tu libro Family rules me ha acompañado por muchos años con valiosos resultados para mi vida personal, familiar y profesional. Este nuevo libro añade nuevas dimensiones y seguramente me acompañara en mi viaje por el resto de mi vida. Me parece que tu libro llena unas necesidades grandes de informacion y de maneras diferentes de pensar y sentir que revasan los lectores de ingles. Seguro que pensaras en una traduccion a otros idiomas.
–Dr. Marco Antonio Martinez (University of San Juan, Rio Piedras)
I am working with the parents of an adult son who has constant money problems. They have been reading and rereading Hallowell’s books and others. The parents’ different approaches have resulted in lots of blaming of each other. They are working better with strategies now–how long each can sustain any strategy is the test.
–(a family therapist)
From my perspective (dyslexia) I feel you hit the nail on the head quite a few times. Self-criticism in this case is a huge player! It is like being an alcoholic that has recovered and has no reason for shame but still feels it when they walk into a room with other people. This leads to over compensation in other areas. These over compensation areas are things you do well and things a parent must focus on rewarding with positive encouragement. The self perception of the feeling of inadequacy is always there even though others may not have a clue on your abilities. There is this feeling that they may make the discovery that you are different and they may misinterpret the difference as stupidity. You are correct that this self-criticism was reinforced through childhood and into adulthood. Parents can not be a player in this reinforcement. I think the parent is the axis for being successful rather than giving up. My parents and my wife did a great job in this area. I am not sure how but they have always managed to keep me up.
I finally found a moment or two to read through your chapters. They are wonderful! I love the format and all the different kinds of issues and particularly liked Nick’s voice. In some ways, some of the issues more closely related to my daughters coming of age in terms of money than my son… Fortunately, we had a great accountant who gave them a good outline, and they both felt much better. After a lifetime of bumping along, I realize that planning financially saves a lot of worry. Anyway, the chapters are great…far more comprehensive than just ADD or ADHD.
Another area where you hit the nail on the head was the “To do list “ in my opinion! If I did not have my Microsoft Outlook calendar I would be lost! It permits me to keep focus but what I like is it lets you schedule things that are non-critical ahead in the future so you do not need to look at them every day as with a running to do list that you keep adjusting. If you put something out there ahead by 2 weeks you won’t forget about it and you won’t have to deal with it either until it comes back up on your to do list for that given day. This reduces the negative feelings of an over whelming list that has 10 things on it that you suck at doing. I try to keep one uncomfortable thing on my list every day or so because they need to get done even though they may be in my weak area, but I flood my day with things I am good at! Without the list, I wander with no direction and react to things like a pin ball much like getting drawn into these communications with you. My list was short today but I must get back on track! Great chapter and I wish you all the luck in the world when it comes to your son! You are key Mr. Kaye. Someone has to understand!
our daughter runs her own business, is excited by work, committed to working hard and has managed her own money disorder by having hired a book keeper to whom she passes on all billing and bill payment… for her it is often like her experience in school as a child with undiagnosed learning issues, she has to manage both the reality of the money and the feeling of thinking there’s something wrong… even though she knows there isn’t…
I am very lucky in that my parents were extremely open and vocal about financial information as I grew up and my dad’s biggest emphasis was that you can’t spend money you don’t have and must always live within your means – no matter what temptations are out there. These lessons have served me very well and I am so thankful that my parents took the time to talk and work with me on these issues. I have also watched as so many of my friends (who are smart and accomplished people) came into debt problems. Thank you for sharing this info. It is valuable for families at all economic levels.
Very interesting information. I know that some of our employees are indeed swamped with debt. I’ve sent a few to a debt counseling service, but that is the only tool at my disposal. I hope your material gets read and used widely. It would be a great resource for the schools in their “consumer education” study.
I especially liked your son’s description of how he thinks. Your comments can also be very helpful to parents. Anecdotely, I am convinced that there is a higher % of ADD folks in Family Businesses than there are in the General Population.
–Tom Davidow
your chapter- Inoculating against Economic Debt. It is excellent! I wish I had it a number of years ago when I discovered I had a lot of work to do to help my God Daughter develop a better attitude about money. She was willing to have my help + gave me a list of her monthly income + expenditures. However she left off how much + what she paid for in cash each month.
Thanks for your work